If I could ask the Lord one question right now, I think I’d probably ask Him, “Is Spring really here to stay, or should I prepare myself for second winter?” Because as any mid-westerner can tell you, it’s not necessarily the never-ending cold of winter that really gets you… it’s the hope that it’s finally over.
I think spring is such a cool time. Some days, I could do without the mud that seems to get everywhere or the rain from absolutely nowhere. But after months of a frozen existence, there is nothing quite like the thaw of spring.
Spring always gives me hope. It reminds me of the promise given in Revelation 21:5… “ And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’”
You see, spring has the tendency of getting me to look ahead and let my mind wander with possibility. I can picture a greener landscape, I’m dreaming of days spent on the terrace next to Lake Mendota, I can already feel the breeze of an open window.
As someone whose “What’s next” is unknown, it’s a peaceful thing to be able to think & dream big.
But that doesn’t change the fact that I am still in the right now, and I am needing and excited to finish “What’s now” in a strong way.
I only have about 2 months left interning at Blackhawk Church. In many ways, I can’t believe I’m so close to the end. In other ways, it really seems like I’ve been an intern forever.
I am so grateful that my first 2 years out of college were spent surrounded by people who care about who I am as a person as much as they care about what my talents are. I am grateful that I have worked alongside friends (they might try to pretend we’re just co-workers, but I know better!). I am thankful for the chance to put so much time and energy into nurturing my relationships with high school students, as well as take intentional time to think about how I can help them in their walk with the Lord. I am thankful for the chance to lead teams of students and teams of adult volunteers. I’m grateful and humbled by the crazy amounts of encouragement, love, and support I’ve seen from my friends and family.
When I think about the last 2 years, a lot of it felt less than exciting. A lot of it felt like just asking questions to a group, or just being somewhere every Wednesday night. A lot of times it felt a lot like putting effort into things that no one would ever really read or really care about. A lot of times it was just showing up to a choir concert, or going to get $1 shakes at Culver’s. But there were so many times I said, “I can’t believe I get paid to do this.”
It hasn’t always been rainbows and sunshine. I went through some periods of doubt in who I was and what I was doing. I went through (a LOT) of stress (& anger & bitterness…) about trying to raise support. I fell into the trap of thinking that what I had to offer wasn’t special, and that I was in this position as some form of pity.
But now, as my time interning winds down to 2 months, I feel so certain that the last two years I’ve found myself exactly where the Lord wanted me to be. My faith has changed and grown. My confidence in what I can do is so much greater than it was. In so many ways, I think I’ve found my voice.
And so with just 2 months left, and absolutely no guarantee that these 2 months will be anything significant to anyone but me, I’m asking you to help me finish strong. I need to support-raise the rest of my funds by April 10. Right now, that means about $3,600 to go, and that scares me out of my mind.
You can do that here.
With no plan other than to pray to a big God and send this letter to the world, I am going to trust that my Father will provide how He sees fit. Maybe that seems like a foolish thing to say, but after 2 years, I’ve come to realize that I have no reason to doubt His provision.
I can’t promise a big number of students coming to know the Lord. I can’t promise huge events that go off without a hitch. I can’t promise that I’m actually the right girl for the job.
But I promise to keep listening. I promise to answer the questions my girls ask me. I promise to love the crap out of my students. I promise to keep showing up, and in the end, I’m pretty sure showing up is the only thing that’s really going to matter.
All my love & gratitude,